Archive | November, 2009

I get all worked up then I let myself down.

30 Nov

Oh Michael Buble, you strangely wonderful Canadian man. You worked your way into my brain for the entire day. I’ve pretty much been humming the same song over and over. Goshdarnit.

OKAY so here’s the dealio: I’m going to make a wholehearted attempt to not talk about other people in these posts from now on. This is for me, and no one else but me.

Speaking of myself…

I’m still trying to not admit it, and I will fight it as long as I can. When I do eventually acknowledge it, I’m going to do it extremely begrudgingly. I don’t know, this is like the path not taken for me, so of course I’m hesitant. I should be…right? I hope so.

On a this-is-really-late-but-still-important note,

I am so enormously thankful for my sister. I can’t trust anyone more and she never, ever gets mad at me despite all the horrible things I do to her. I admit it, I bully her more than I should (in a joking way, of course) and she doesn’t deserve any of it. I’m a horrible big sister, but she always reminds me that someone in this world loves me more than anyone else. I don’t give thanks for her nearly as much as I should. She always has plenty of hugs and kisses for me when I’m not feeling particularly happy, and she actually gets me, probably because she’s known me since she was born but still. I’m so glad we don’t fight like other siblings because I have no idea what I would do without her.

These are my confessions…

28 Nov

Today I went kettling for the Salvation Army. It wasn’t that bad last year, so I figured I would do it again this year. Never making that mistake again. At least not kettling the whole day ever, ever again.

I feel like coming to terms with my feelings with a lot of different people.

I’m going to post them anonymously and I seriously doubt anyone’s going to be able to tell which ones are directed at whom. Obviously, this is to prevent a repeat of what happened in the 7th grade. Kind of.

I might just do these from time to time to vent.

Just no names. Not in any order. You get the idea.

—————————————————————————-

You are a big disappointment. I thought we’d get to be closer friends this year but you never even let that happen. I’m not going to try this hard to be your friend when clearly you don’t want to be mine. And no, saying hi when you walk past me does not count as trying to be friends.

You told me on the first day of middle school that you wouldn’t change, even throughout high school, that you wouldn’t start doing what you thought everyone wanted you to do, and that you were always going to be true to yourself. Guess what? You didn’t live up to your promises. Am I surprised though? No. I always knew you were more easily influenced than anyone else I knew, and that you would go to any extreme to get what you believe is popularity. You should be ashamed of the person you are. Stop kissing ass.

You are just like the last person I talked about. Stop acting like you’re hot and start getting real. High school is four years out of your life, so don’t make such a big deal out of it. Sure, make a total fool out of yourself trying to get everyone to love you now, but you’ll regret it when you don’t have anything to show for it in a couple of years. You’re not nearly as cool as you think you are.

You’ve been the biggest disappointment, and you know that I hate the emotion of disappointment more than any other. I could go on and on about how much you’ve hurt me, but words wouldn’t do any of it justice. I’ll end this one here.

You are the male version of me (at least the angry, aggressive version of me) that I’m so glad to have met. Thanks for keeping the bitch switch off… for the most part.

Finally, you will never read this, and you may never even know me except by the shallowest of terms. But you brought me happiness in a time of darkness and filled the void. You are the dorky side of me and thus irreplaceable. I will not ever ruin what I have with you, even though it may kill me to keep things the way they are.

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving and fun Black Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

26 Nov

I’m aware that I am an hour shy of Thanksgiving, and the truth is I don’t really give a shit about Thanksgiving. Basically, it’s there and you eat turkey. And then it’s Black Friday, which is what I really care about.

Sorry.

But I will give thanks for all the beautiful (and non-beautiful! just kidding) people in my life who have been there for me through thick and thin. I don’t think anyone can live without knowing that they have a support system, and I’m very thankful for mine.

I’m sure there are a million other little things I should be thankful for, but let’s not get into the particulars.

I went to see New Moon today. I’m not thankful for that, I’ll tell you.

The camera work really sucked. Some of the fight scenes were pretty trippy, but there were these times when basically it was focused on one thing and just rotated over and over. I got really dizzy and had to close my eyes, no joke.

It was extremely awkward too.

I don’t know why but for some reason, the geniuses making the movie decided it would be really hot to show Rob Pats in slow-mo with wind blowing in his hair and everything, you know, kind of like those old Herbal Essences commercials.

So unattractive.

My favorite line in the entire movie was when Jacob told Bella, “This is not a lifestyle choice!”

The manner in which he said it sounded like he was coming out.

That darned Taylor Lautner.

And it was really weird during the movie because a couple of times, it seemed like Kristen Stewart was just staring at his abs. Staring. It was extremely odd.

But if I were her, baby, I’d be drooling.

JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. CALM YOUR TITTIES.

Oh, and this early post is because I actually have a busy Thanksgiving tomorrow! How exciting.

On a more personal/I-have-no-idea-what-to-do note,

I fought it and I lost. I gave in. I know, I fail. Now what do I do? It’s probably just going to be the same thing over again. And I’m just going to make everything awkward because that’s what I do best. I can’t help the way I feel though. I don’t know, maybe the timing is just coincidental or something. All I know is I feel happy. That’s all I really want.

Moving on is the toughest part.

24 Nov

Not really.

Making room for someone new is way harder.

I’M REALLY TRYING TO FIGHT IT. YOU MIGHT HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING THAT, BUT I AM.

I don’t think you know how hard it was for me to accept it.

But now that I’ve said it out loud, I think I can accept it.

What comes after?

I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that part out myself.

Hopefully, things will be different this time. Hopefully, they’ll work in my favor for once.

I don’t want to be like this anymore.

For every 99 times, you looked me in the eye and swore you weren’t lying…

23 Nov

For some reason, both of the Spanish teachers I’ve had so far in high school hate my guts.

It’s funny because I understand exactly why they hate me, and I don’t even try to act any differently. I probably deserve to be chastised a lot more than I have been, but still. For a class that’s pretty much a joke..? Yeah.

Today at school, my friend found a beetle in her hair and she started screaming. Now, I know if that happened to someone else and the person started screaming (such as in the locker rooms, which has happened repeatedly), I would tell the person to shut the fuck up too. But it happens to be these sophomores who were doing the STFUing and that kinda grinds my gears.

I hate freshmen, but I’m pretty sure I hate sophomores more.

Especially the ones that infringe on our territory then deprive us – the juniors – of our right to scream when we find bugs near us. Especially when they’d be screaming their heads off even louder if they were in our place.

I’m having one of those weeks when everything seems to be against me. I think it’s carrying over from last week. Oh well.

Now I feel like Eeyore.

I think I need some professional help.

Today, NASCAR history was made.

22 Nov

And I’m only mentioning it now because the ESPN commentators told me to take note of the exact hour at which Jimmie Johnson won his fourth straight championship, which has never been done before in the 61 years of NASCAR (a fact that basically everyone is milking for all its worth).

It’s a commendable task but I’m still waiting on Kyle Busch 🙂 and maybe even Denny Hamlin, who really owned at all the chase races… except the 3 where he didn’t finish. That should be more of a priority. Just saying.

I always wondered what it would be like if fantasy and science fiction were real. (I am absolutely aware of how cool I am.) Like what if there were really mutants like the ones in X-Men!?!?! That would be so freaking cool. And for the record, I haven’t watched any of the X-Men movies in quite a while, I just thought of them this morning for some random reason.

Speaking of random, I also thought about Dawson’s Creek all of a sudden. You know, the show with the non-stop talking (preceding Gilmore Girls of course) and heavy doses of teen angst. It’s something quite beautiful. Anyways, I thought about it this morning, and even a little last night. The whole Pacey-Joey-Dawson love triangle was totally classic.

For some really odd reason, one of the things I remember the most clearly was something Joey said when she returns to Capeside and is surprised to see the first McDonalds spring up in town.

Kinda reminds me of the place I lived in Mississippi. Free of fast food chains until, I think, maybe 2000. Though there was an Applebee’s, I remember, and a Popeye’s. And a big fat Walmart superstore, which I’m sure everyone thinks is a greater travesty of commercialization than Mickey D’s.

There are just two things I would like to bring to attention in today’s ridicule of society:

  1. New Moon is probably going to end up being on the top 10 list of most financially successful movies ever. Unfortunately, I will still end up seeing it and probably fall in love with Edward or Jacob and begin to idolize Stephenie Meyer for her amazing writing skills and Mormon faith.
  2. Today I logged onto the facebook and felt a need to delete it forever because of the idiots on there who have more friends than I do, the idiots who only have more friends than I do because they are totally whores/manwhores.

I’m not even going to explain my disappointment with both of the above. If you know me at all, you’ll know exactly what I have to say about each topic, so I’m not even going to go there.

Looking forward to a 3-day week (it’s only like 2.5 though, because Wednesday is minimum day!) 🙂 Excited to shop on Friday (more on that later) and get pumpedddd for Christmas. A few more sleepless nights is worth it.

Thoughtfulness.

21 Nov

My friend Tiffany and I sort of have this thing where we just talk about what a thoughtful gesture would be.

Because you know, us girls. Damn. So emotional and what not about those things.

Anywho.

I think first and foremost, keeping a promise is pretty dang important.

Or even remembering the small details. That way, I know you were paying attention when I was spilling my guts.

Gotta keep this expectations low. Like lower than the ground low.

That didn’t make sense.

I’m not going to get large drinks from Seattle’s anymore because I always take forever to finish them and they cool and I get headaches when I drink them.

It was really cold today. Goodness, I thought socal was never supposed to be cold.

Echo is a really good album. It’s a lot more poppy than the first single may suggest. And it’s all really characteristic of Ryan Tedder and all the music he’s involved with, like the dramatic drum beats in the background. I’m surprised such a big deal was made out of Kelly Clarkson’s “Already Gone” and Beyonce’s “Halo” when Leona’s “Happy” is far more similar to “Halo.”

And by the way, I’m not a fan of OneRepublic but “All the Right Moves” is a good song 🙂

The Glee soundtrack is amazing, as expected. Full versions of the songs you hear on the show.

For some reason, today was really quiet. The quiet scares me more than anything else. The stillness of it all drives me insane.