Archive | April, 2010

Preparing for the storm.

30 Apr

As most of you know, AP exams begin next week.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I was watching 90210 again today. I love how every time I watch all the characters have new phones. Lucky bitches. But wait! Of course! It’s because they live in like the richest area code in the country!

No, I’m confusing Beverley Hills with the Upper East Side. So I guess the characters on Gossip Girl are very up-to-date with their phones too. Does the Upper East Side have its own zip code? Or is it just part of Manhattan? Hmmm, endless questions.

I was also watching an ep of the Hills/the City that I got on itunes for free. LOL I’M SUCH A SUCKER FOR FREE STUFF.

I love how these girls talk. They are incapable of saying a sentence without “like.” And Whitney says “okay” weird… like “okaiiiiiey.” You know what I mean. But it’s okay, they’re hot so they still get everything they want out of life.

I was talking to Emily about Heidi Montag today. THAT STUPID GIRL. Such a pretty face and she ruins it with plastic surgery. Boob job, eyebrow lift, plumped lips… it’s disgusting. What’s the point? I freaking think she was prettier without the surgery and now she looks like every other blond bimbo walking around. She was really blond and really bimbo-ish before, but now it’s like way to live up to the stereotype hon!

Why am I burning away my brain cells right now -_- I should be studying LOLOL FUCK STUDYING

The fashion industry disturbs me. Such superficiality. I think the only good it does is that it (kind of) promotes toleration. Of women. And gays. Women because I’m pretty sure mostly women care about high fashion. And gays because I’m pretty sure only gay men care about high fashion.

I LOVE HOW WHITNEY’S PATTERN MAKERS ARE FREAKING ASIAN. WHAT THE HELL.

I think in any given day hundreds of bits of social commentary pop through my head. As I walk from class to class. As I’m getting killed in volleyball. As I’m pulling the gross pickle out of my Chick-fil-a sandwich. I think so much. It’s fine until the thoughts become too deep, when I’m left alone for too long. That’s when things get kind of dangerous.

“Killin’ a man… it’s a big deal.”

29 Apr

Oh Ava, how funny you are.

I feel so bad for liking this show so much. Everyone is just so badass though. Modern cowboy story? Set in Kentucky? Southern accents galore? Lots of shooting and violence and cursing? That just screams my name. I think this show was made for me. I want to name my first son Raylan. First name. Or middle name.

Man this episode is fucking beautiful. The acting, the camera work. It’s all perfection. Ugh. The jail scene with Raylan and Boyd. I cannot get over it. Boyd is like the guy you love to hate. So complex. He’s such a bad guy and at the same time he says he does it all for god, quotes the Bible and everything. And Raylan. Lord almighty.

I just realized that every Eric Hutchinson concert is attended by a majority of older women who feel the need to consume a couple beers to loosen up. DISGUSTING. What can I say though, that man puts on a damn good show. You can’t just NOT have fun 🙂

So here’s the situation:

This makes me so happy. And so fitting! Well not totally. But kind of.

Ughhhh not many things make me happy, but this makes me happy no matter what.

It’s kind of like… I don’t even know right now. Some people were like, “OH ANNIE, MAYBE HE DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND… and he’s just too nice to say that to you because he’s just too nice of a person!”

WELL THANKS some people because I talked to him about it and he said it isn’t true. Which I guess I can’t really trust. But after all, he’s too nice of a person to lie to me like that. I think he would mess with me, but that’s just too far. I don’t know.

And it’s like I get where he’s coming from. I get it. I just don’t know why I give everything and I can’t get anything in return.

And even worse, I feel like he is giving. As long as he isn’t giving anything to me. Like anyone else, it’s okay. Stupid people, it’s okay. But when it comes to me, he’s like a wall. And yeah, he probably does care, and he even knows he doesn’t show it, and I say I’m okay with all of it, and the ands continue. But no, I don’t think I’m okay with it. It bothers me. I feel like he doesn’t trust me. After all we’ve gone through, that’s just kind of. Bleh.

And I know I should be so so so so so happy that things are working out so much better than they did last time, but I can’t just change myself. And he can’t really change himself either. I don’t know right now, I really don’t. He can be so amazing at times, and it’s like he’s my everything. Suddenly, he becomes nothing, not my rock, not my supporter, not even my friend.

That’s when I really fall apart.

AP tests.

26 Apr

Yay for the Hollywood sign!

Around this time last year, I made a twitter account. At the time, I had no idea what twitter really was. I didn’t really grasp the concept, and I kind of just had an account for the sake of having an account. I think one of my first tweets, if not the first, was about AP tests.

Last year and this year are definitely different circumstances.

Last year, I think since my AP Euro teacher spoonfed us everything, I really knew it all and I was going along with the studying. Now, it’s the day before a weeklong APUSH test binge and I’m cramming it all. But at least this makes me cram a week before the actual AP test, which I suppose makes all of this helpful and worth it.

AP bio and chem were kind of icky, but with the curves as low as they are for those exams, I felt fairly confident. Different matter AFTER the tests… but looking at my scores I don’t think I have reason to complain. At all.

This year though, fahwe;oruawer

I don’t know why I backed myself into this corner.

Basically, my strat comes down to this:

APUSH – studying this week for tests in class, each day next week leading up to the test
CALC – focus this week and weekend
APES – lulz, this is in the second week of testing so as far as I’m concerned, it is not a priority
LANG – yeah you can’t really study for this, so probably brushing up on terms the night before, and maybe doing a couple more practice essays/multiple choice tests
STATs – LOL I don’t even know at this point. I guess this weekend is crunch time.

OH BUT WAIT, I have SAT IIs on Saturday.

And every day this week has something else to worry about. I have it all down but I’m afraid I’ll miss a step. Which would MAJORLY SUCK.

I’m already missing one tonight and tomorrow night with honor orchhhhhh shitttt

I think I’ll find a way though. I always find a way.

Sadly, even as I am now supposed to study hard for my presidencies test tomorrow, I am being distracted.

Shame on me.

I feel like a bomb that’s about to be detonated. LOL prepare for more outbursts people, I bet they are a’comin’.

I rage a lot.

24 Apr

Rage rage rage!!

I think that’s all the rage you’re going to get from me today. Sorry, I let it all out yesterday. Had a bad day. It doesn’t really matter though. People who have read this blog since day one who clearly know that I rarely go that out of control on a blog bitch rant have decided to turn their backs on me. No matter.

I don’t know why, but now total strangers are reading this. Like people I’ve seen around school but don’t really know.

I’m disappointed in a lot of people right now. But it’s okay. I’m over it.

I’m not the kind of person who bottles up my feelings. Sorry. And as optional as it is for me to make public my thoughts, it is that optional for you to read about them. And optional to sensationalize.

I think I’m most disappointed in my friends who took this as a time to lecture me on what kind of information I put on the internet. Thanks, that really is the biggest problem at hand. Not backing up someone who was clearly being bullied? Unacceptable. This really teaches me that I need to reconsider the people I am friends with. As much as I respect fair opinions, I am upset by the fact that my “friends” did not bother to stand by me. When I’m having a tough time, I don’t need you to add to it by telling me that I’m responsible.

It’s like when your friend has spinach in her teeth but she’s super happy about something that she wants to smile all the time.

Okay, bad example… but still.

SO, for my day today…

I went to target. I bought so much crap I don’t need. I made guacamole. The race was canceled because of the bad weather in the south – tornadoes! – and I’ll have to catch that tomorrow.

I have yet to study for any of my AP exams. Lulz.

NATIONAL TREASURE 2 IS ON TONIGHTTTT. Study or watch that? I think I’ll do the latter.

Annie’s advice for the day (pretty sure I’ve said this before): don’t alienate your friends while you’re in a relationship; more likely than not you’re going to break up with your significant other, and who will be there for you then?

And suddenly it all makes sense.

23 Apr

I really had to think about it for a long while.

But in the end I know what happened, minus a few gaps. Those are really suspicious. A leak! Conspiracy theorists rejoice.

I’m offended! I must talk to someone about this.

Grrrrrrr he’s never on when I need to talk to him.

Friends and family.

22 Apr

At one point in my life, I was very unhappy with the people I called my “friends.” I had fun with them, but I didn’t really feel like I belonged. I think we were all very unique and diverse, but that also turned out to be a problem. We didn’t share the same aspirations, dreams, goals. While it was refreshing to be with people different from you, I feel like they never understood me completely.

I think the biggest problem stemmed from me. I used to be such a different person. I used to be the kind of person that I now despise. The kind of person who does anything, says anything to fit in or be considered cool. I told people what they wanted to hear. I spread rumors. But when I was on the spot, I got all quiet and hid behind stereotypes, behind this facade of a good little nerdy girl.

It was a good time, I’m not going to lie. But looking back, I realize that I was just not myself. I was everything I now hate. So now when I meet someone who says stupid things to look cool, I don’t even know if I have the right to say anything about it. It bugs me so much, but I can justify the behavior.

It’s still wrong though.

Before, I was also extremely annoyed with my family. As much as I have loved my sister since basically her conception, being older by ten years hasn’t always been easy. Having a younger sibling really takes all the attention off you. But now as I’m going to college in a year and a half, and things at home have gotten a billion times better… I don’t even want to leave. Well, I do. I want more than anything to be independent and venture out on my own, but I’m leaving something really beautiful at home. My mom tells me all the time now, “You want to go to school thousands of miles away, but once you’re that far away, you’re going to realize how much you’ll miss us, especially your sister.”

It’s so true. Ugh. I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I bought dark purple nail polish at Target today.

I love honesty. Honesty is a beautiful thing. I’m glad that I can share it with some people 🙂

Maybe I jumped the gun.

20 Apr

And maybe you’re not who I thought you were. All I wanted was honesty.

I want to curl up in a little ball and cry my eyes out right now, quite honestly.