Friends and family.

22 Apr

At one point in my life, I was very unhappy with the people I called my “friends.” I had fun with them, but I didn’t really feel like I belonged. I think we were all very unique and diverse, but that also turned out to be a problem. We didn’t share the same aspirations, dreams, goals. While it was refreshing to be with people different from you, I feel like they never understood me completely.

I think the biggest problem stemmed from me. I used to be such a different person. I used to be the kind of person that I now despise. The kind of person who does anything, says anything to fit in or be considered cool. I told people what they wanted to hear. I spread rumors. But when I was on the spot, I got all quiet and hid behind stereotypes, behind this facade of a good little nerdy girl.

It was a good time, I’m not going to lie. But looking back, I realize that I was just not myself. I was everything I now hate. So now when I meet someone who says stupid things to look cool, I don’t even know if I have the right to say anything about it. It bugs me so much, but I can justify the behavior.

It’s still wrong though.

Before, I was also extremely annoyed with my family. As much as I have loved my sister since basically her conception, being older by ten years hasn’t always been easy. Having a younger sibling really takes all the attention off you. But now as I’m going to college in a year and a half, and things at home have gotten a billion times better… I don’t even want to leave. Well, I do. I want more than anything to be independent and venture out on my own, but I’m leaving something really beautiful at home. My mom tells me all the time now, “You want to go to school thousands of miles away, but once you’re that far away, you’re going to realize how much you’ll miss us, especially your sister.”

It’s so true. Ugh. I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I bought dark purple nail polish at Target today.

I love honesty. Honesty is a beautiful thing. I’m glad that I can share it with some people 🙂

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