“Killin’ a man… it’s a big deal.”

29 Apr

Oh Ava, how funny you are.

I feel so bad for liking this show so much. Everyone is just so badass though. Modern cowboy story? Set in Kentucky? Southern accents galore? Lots of shooting and violence and cursing? That just screams my name. I think this show was made for me. I want to name my first son Raylan. First name. Or middle name.

Man this episode is fucking beautiful. The acting, the camera work. It’s all perfection. Ugh. The jail scene with Raylan and Boyd. I cannot get over it. Boyd is like the guy you love to hate. So complex. He’s such a bad guy and at the same time he says he does it all for god, quotes the Bible and everything. And Raylan. Lord almighty.

I just realized that every Eric Hutchinson concert is attended by a majority of older women who feel the need to consume a couple beers to loosen up. DISGUSTING. What can I say though, that man puts on a damn good show. You can’t just NOT have fun πŸ™‚

So here’s the situation:

This makes me so happy. And so fitting! Well not totally. But kind of.

Ughhhh not many things make me happy, but this makes me happy no matter what.

It’s kind of like… I don’t even know right now. Some people were like, “OH ANNIE, MAYBE HE DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND… and he’s just too nice to say that to you because he’s just too nice of a person!”

WELL THANKS some people because I talked to him about it and he said it isn’t true. Which I guess I can’t really trust. But after all, he’s too nice of a person to lie to me like that. I think he would mess with me, but that’s just too far. I don’t know.

And it’s like I get where he’s coming from. I get it. I just don’t know why I give everything and I can’t get anything in return.

And even worse, I feel like he is giving. As long as he isn’t giving anything to me. Like anyone else, it’s okay. Stupid people, it’s okay. But when it comes to me, he’s like a wall. And yeah, he probably does care, and he even knows he doesn’t show it, and I say I’m okay with all of it, and the ands continue. But no, I don’t think I’m okay with it. It bothers me. I feel like he doesn’t trust me. After all we’ve gone through, that’s just kind of. Bleh.

And I know I should be so so so so so happy that things are working out so much better than they did last time, but I can’t just change myself. And he can’t really change himself either. I don’t know right now, I really don’t. He can be so amazing at times, and it’s like he’s my everything. Suddenly, he becomes nothing, not my rock, not my supporter, not even my friend.

That’s when I really fall apart.

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