Junior year is over.

21 Jun

I might not be posting for a few days because I just want to rest up now. I mean… the nightmare is over! For now, at least.

This year was definitely an eventful year.

I think my biggest mistake was going into the year with a negative mindset. Junior year is the year that everyone dreads, and I allowed that type of mentality to permeate my thoughts leading up to the beginning of the year. There were all these preconceptions, prejudices, and predispositions that really hindered me from succeeding more this year. I think that’s what made the difference between my sophomore and junior years. I studied a lot more as a sophomore and made better use of my time; I really enjoyed sophomore year, despite my class load.

Junior year, I originally thought, consisted of a far lighter workload. I felt kind of guilty for skimping out so much during the most important year of high school. Looking back now, I worked my ass off this year when I needed to. But I slacked off way more than I did sophomore year. Just the mentality of being one more year closer to graduation and to leaving this suburban bubble made me lazy. Think of it as early-onset senioritis.

But when it mattered, I pulled it together. I don’t think I’ve ever let myself down when there was a lot of pressure and a lot of expectations. When I needed to do well, I did. I’m happy with how I responded to pressure this year, and I think I really learned a lot about myself.

That’s academics.

Now… people.

I’ve built stronger relationships with the friends that I have. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about friendship, it’s that friendship is sacred and long lasting, but it is not something that’s without work. I see people now who are suffering because they have neglected their friends, and they can’t find anyone to be around anymore. Friends are not there for use; they’re there to talk to, but only if you’re willing to reciprocate. My friend once told me that friendship is a two way street; you can’t just take and not give. I’m glad I took time to get to know my friends better.

However, I’ve also lost people. Sometimes, I don’t even know how it happened. All I know if I did something wrong, and someone I thought
I was on good terms with suddenly dislikes/hates me. I mean in those situations, I don’t really know what to do. And I’ve made the mistake of fighting back, but that’s counterproductive. I can’t force other people into liking me, something I’ve almost always understood, and if they aren’t willing to be my friend, why should I even go out of my way to try and be their friend? I’ve tried to make amends, but I guess whatever bad thing I did was just too much. Even though I still, to this day, have absolutely no idea what I did wrong.

Losing people is something I accept as a naturallEnter away messageEnter away message text here.y recurring event. It’s gonna happen: you’re going to lose touch with some friends, you’re going to get in arguments and fights, you’re going to have these long spells where you don’t talk for weeks.

But there was just this one person that I regret not having in my life anymore.

If you know me, sorry for sounding like a broken record because basically you’ve heard this same shpeel a billion times already.

As angry as I still am at this person for everything that went down… it’s kind of like you can’t just forget all the amazing moments. There were a lot. I gained a really smart, talented, kind friend. We had the types of conversations that most people can’t seem to have anymore. I’ve never felt more able to be so open and so honest with someone in my entire life. I let small things get in the way of something beautiful, but I don’t accept sole responsibility for our arguments. I think at the end of the day, I realized that we were on totally different paths, something that this person knew and neglected to tell me because he knew it would cause problems for our friendship. I wasn’t going to let it bother me, and it didn’t at first. But it became this growing problem, and it consumed me for a few weeks. And then the big fight. And now it’s all over.

I don’t know.

So I just looked at my schedule for tomorrow, and I legitly do not have any classes tomorrow. YESSSSSSS NO SCHOOL!

But DOUBLE U – TEE – EFF I do have school on Wednesday. Which was when I was hoping to catch three VERY CRITICAL matches: US/Algeria, Germany/Ghana, England/Slovenia.

I have favorites in all three of those, and these matches are MAS IMPORTANTE for all three. Like in group C, I’m really hoping for the US and England to make it through. US because I live in America (but that’s actually a pretty bad reason -_-) and England because ummm that’s where my future hubby plays (DUH!). But like with the way the standings are… yeah. It’s a mess. I’m going to stop trying to calculate all that out. Let the chips fall where they may πŸ™‚ And just hope for wins. That always helps!

And Germany just needs to outright win. I don’t know. The African nations are always mysteries. I’m hoping Ghana’s players wake up that day feeling a little off, and Germany’s players wake up with a spring in their step. That’s all I can do :/

I was just looking through all the review books I bought for this year. I didn’t use like half of them. I’m so stupid.

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