Archive | October, 2010

Even dumb people can make themselves sound smart on the internet.

30 Oct

I love tumblr, but that’s one thing I hate about it.

Let’s all post fucking profound things that we would never be able to say irl and have people tell us how fucking genius we are~

I sound cranky again. I kinda am. I went to all these bookstores looking for A Streetcar Named Desire and couldn’t find a single copy. Now I have to order it online and hope I get it in time. I think I have to have it read by 11/15. That’s not too bad.

I had my first java chip frappuccino in like forever today. It was refreshing. My throat kinda hurts now since it hasn’t stopped giving me problems since I got back from China.

Yesterday in psychology, we had a discussion about death. I really wanted to cry during class, but everyone else would’ve been like wtf since our teacher was dressed as Cyndi Lauper or something (she was wearing a pink tutu…) and it really wasn’t a serious day at all.

We talked about things like:

  • if today was your last day, would you have any regrets?
  • how would you want people to remember you at your funeral?
  • how do you think your family and friends would react?

I secretly fear that when I die, no one’s going to show up at my funeral, other than like… my sister. That would make me really sad. I mean, I wouldn’t know and all, but people would probably whisper amongst themselves about the girl who died and nobody cared. I guess that probably won’t happen, but it’s just interesting to think about sometimes, you know?

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Overcompensation.

27 Oct

I do it. You probably do it too. I think we all do it.

My hair wasn’t gay today. I appreciate that. Thank you hair for not being gay today. Can you behave like this… everyday? That’d be nice.

Sorry, I was so busy thinking about my hair today that I totally forgot what this post was going to be about.

I just put up a new picture for my tumblr. I look particularly unattractive and outright furgly. Kinda like I’m experiencing major constipation.

I love it!

FUNNY THING in orchestra today. I kept getting vertigo, and Dennis and Chris wanted to make me feel better, so Dennis goes, “Don’t worry, I have a runny nose and it’s freaking annoying.” And then Chris goes, “Don’t worry, I’ve had hard diarrhea for the last 5 years! There must be something wrong with my digestive tract.”

MADE. MY. DAY.

Goes to show how mature I am.

I feel terrible because I should be doing work and I literally just sat in front of the computer for the last 3 hours and did nothing productive. And then I just stay up really late and ask myself why I didn’t do anything earlier. I just don’t understand how this works.

I’m not having fun anymore, and I thought this was about two people who like each other because they can have a good time together. That isn’t what it is anymore. And the more I feel this way, the easier it’ll be for me to walk away eventually.

My mom and I stole mayonnaise from Target.

22 Oct

Why buy when there are all these little packets for ready for your taking?

I know now is a little late to be starting on my college essays, but I never felt motivated until tonight. There’s just something about working under pressure that gets me going.

I didn’t want to write a genuine essay when I didn’t feel like I was ready. I don’t write well when I’m not motivated, and motivation – at least for me – is triggered by the randomest things. At least it came in a timely manner this time.

Believe me, with a little over a week left before my deadline… there should be enough time.

I got a good chunk of my essay done tonight. I finally decided to drag myself to my computer when I felt inspired and write everything down. Sure, I can edit and fix and nip and tuck later, but for now I just need to get my message on Microsoft Word.

Anyways.

I have the ACT tomorrow morning. This will be the second and final time. I hope to do well, but as test time draws nearer, I feel less and less pressure. I’m so proud of what I’ve done in high school, and I refuse to let a four-hour exam define my future. Bottom line: If my scores are not good enough for a college, the college is not good enough for me. If a college judges me for not doing well on a standardized exam, more power to them; I worked my butt off in high school, and I’ve shown what I’m capable of, even though on paper I may not be the most impressive, perfect, well-rounded student.

Today, I did some research on ELC. I’m virtually guaranteed into UCI at this point, have legitimate guarantees to UC Davis and UCSB, and today received a letter from UCSD. UCSD’s admission rate for ELC applicants is around 90%. For Cal and UCLA, the admission rate is around 50% (or 60% if you want to be more optimistic). I like those odds. No, they aren’t guarantees, but it feels good to know that I have a very, very good shot. I’ve come to accept UCLA more and more lately. I mean, yeah, it would be amazing if I got into my first choice, but UCLA means I get to stay closer to my family, the one thing dearest to my heart. Even though they drive me crazy, I don’t know how I would feel about having to take a plane home every holiday only to have to fly back to return to my studies!

This week was a good week. After all the fighting from last week, I’m really pleased with how things have been. I’m trying to be more appreciative of what he does right instead of criticizing what he does wrong. (I feel like an AP exam grader… reward the student for what he/she does right, don’t punish for what he/she did wrong! -_-) It really isn’t fair to him. I mean I guess I’m not being fair to myself, but things have never been better. Yeah, I want what I want, but we can’t always get what we want. I’m the last person who’s okay with settling with the next best thing, but sometimes you can’t be selfish. I guess my hope is that he’ll come around gradually, but the important thing is that he realizes what I’ve known for a while now.

Until then, I won’t push. All that’s ever resulted was a lot of fighting. And that’s not something I’m willing to return to.

In a nutshell though, things have been really good.

I’m just afraid that I’ll just suffer more if things go south again.

Tomorrow is Kels’s birthday. I would love to go out and have a good time, but as this is the last weekend to really get work done on apps before it’s time to submit them, I have to make a sacrifice.

Oh, sweet apathy.

A treatise on the ups and downs of social networking. (lol)

20 Oct

I got AIM when I was in the fourth grade. I got a xanga in the fifth grade.

In the seventh grade, I got myspace, and as soon as I hit high school I made a facebook.

Now, I have this wordpress blog, twitter, tumblr… a billion different ways to “connect” with people like never before. We feel this need to be able to talk to anyone at any time and to make the world a smaller place.

I don’t know about you, but as much as I love social networking, I liked the world when it was bigger and less connected.

Every day, when I go on the computer, I have to open 7 tabs. Email, this blog, youtube, twitter, tumblr, and two blogs I regularly follow. This is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean I don’t have to do it, but I feel like I do.

I like social networking because I feel like it gives me the chance to connect with people like myself who I wouldn’t really get to know. A lot of these people live far away, in another city or state or country or even continent, but I get to know them through the magical thing that is the internet. We can talk about whatever our common interests are, and it’s so easy to make new friends. I feel like there really isn’t even much of an excuse anymore to “not belonging” in a group; there’s always a community of people out there who are just as unique as you are.

Unfortunately, social networking has split us apart in reality. If I read your tweet or saw your facebook status update, I don’t really need to ask you how your day was in person anymore. I can easily gain access to all sorts of information, from your birthday to your email to your favorite color.

When I was in elementary school and middle school, we still used phones to make calls to talk to other people. Now we use phones to text little messages of 160 characters or less.

LOL I miss those days when I could pick up the phone and call someone and not have it be a really formal thing, like we didn’t really text or talk on facebook and we just called to casually ask how things were. Now it’s like “oh, you called… I thought it was an emergency or something really important!”

Grrrrr. Believe me, I love social networking. That’s why I only have like an account for everything. Like twitter… I would totally cry if they shut down tomorrow. Well, I wouldn’t cry, but I would be very sad. I like sharing my little mundane thoughts with people regardless of whether or not they actually want to know. And this blog seriously allows me to vent (and rage? LOL) when I need to. Best therapy ever!

Things are never black and white.

School makes my world go round.

14 Oct

The weather was rather dreadful today. I liked the way it was this morning, overcast and gloomy. But then it was still pretty cool but the sun came out. And I hate bipolar weather like that. Kinda makes me want to pull my hair out in a crazy fit. Oh California!, how you confuseth me.

I did really well on my AP gov test, the one that I woke up at like 3 in the morning to finish my notes for. Talk about being worth it! It was an excellent way to brighten up my day.

The day after.

13 Oct

I have no doubt in my heart that he won’t even miss me. That’s how it’s always been, lopsided with me being the one who wants more than he does. I’m sure there’s always that initial sadness, but really he’ll come to realize I never was that important to him anyways. The only time he’ll probably think about me will be when he feels bad for hurting me for so long, but who knows when that realization’s going to dawn on him?

Stats is such a fun class. I haven’t had this much fun in a math class since 8th grade geometry. It’s just a bunch of seniors basically partying up the fact that they’re in a fourth period math class together. Well, that’s what I’m doing. Between Jonathan’s weird facial expressions and Wesley eating chips with chopsticks, I’m in stitches by the end of the period, or even by the time the lesson starts (after we go over homework and stuff). I think Crowe thinks I’m a terribly obnoxious student but whatever. I’m happy to end my day on a good note, thank you very much!

With that said, having fourth period classes this year is such a drag. It’s so difficult to focus. I’m a senior, and I have to be in the last class of the day from 1:55 to 3:25 every freaking day. This frustrates me to no end. So much for a fun senior year HAHA

Homecoming is Saturday. I didn’t get asked. Shocker. I shouldn’t care because of my personality type, but it would’ve been nice if someone did. As much as I hate seeing other people get asked by people in cute ways, it’s clearly because I’m jealous, duh. I feel so unspecial and unloved. I don’t think anyone gets how annoying it is to go through four years of high school basically without anyone doing something cute for them. Well, a lot of people probably do. But I hate seeing people gush over how happy they were that so-and-so asked them to homecoming in some illustrious way, and they’re all walking around school with a bouquet of flowers because someone just liked them that much. One more self-esteem boost for Annie!!

Coincidentally, these two girls and I were assigned to do a short presentation on self-esteem for psychology.

For someone who encourages girls to think more highly of themselves, I have very very very very very very low self-esteem.

Shhh, don’t let anyone know though, that would be embarrassing.

I’ve been watching all this coverage of the Chilean mine workers getting rescued. Needless to say I’ve been crying pretty much nonstop. The first miner that came out… like shit, his son is standing there, this little boy, and he seems so composed. I thought he had no idea what the hell was going on. And then his dad comes out of the shaft, and the little kid just breaks down and I am on the couch, sobbing hysterically.

I can’t imagine what it would be like, being stuck so far underground with 32 other people and not knowing if you were ever going to embrace your loved ones again. By the time they got me up to the surface, I would not be psychologically stable whatsoever. But I really admire these miners and their families for their resilient faith. I wish I could have that kind of faith. Unless pessimism is considered a faith… well then I most certainly have a faith!

I like my guitar.

10 Oct

I think my guitar likes me too, although I do abuse it on occasion. Well, it’s not like I do it on purpose, sometimes it just feels like running into other furniture. Nothing I can do about it.

Anyways, we have a good relationship. A solid relationship. A relationship I can always count on.

Except when it comes to the F chord. My guitar refuses to allow me to learn to play an F chord. Honest to god, my inability to play an F chord stems from the guitar itself and not my willpower!

What’s new with myself?

Oh, it’s senior year so the usual. And outside of academia, it’s even more of the usual.

This drab existence of mine never ceases to bore me.

Still having the same fights with the same guy about the same things. It’s not like I try to be so picky but it’s just like ughhhhh. A year later and nothing’s changed, even though I guess technically a lot has changed. I’m just frustrated still, especially by the fact that we only have the rest of the school year to get things right. It’s annoying though; I want to spend more time with him but that’s not the vibe he’s giving off. Like he says otherwise but his actions don’t match up. -_-

I watched Ramona and Beezus with my baby sister yesterday. She didn’t even like it as much as I did! I thought it was a splendid movie. It’s rated G but I can understand why she couldn’t follow along with the stories. There were only like 4 stories going on at the same time, and my sister didn’t even grasp when the family was sad because the dad lost his job.

Joey King is going to be huge. She was so freaking adorable in this movie. I couldn’t help but giggle whenever she was on screen.

I cried from about the midway point to the end. No reason in particular, just super cute. I thought it was so adorable when Ramona does her presentation the second time and shows her class the picture that she drew with her dad.

Okay, Selena Gomez is in this movie. Get over it. I don’t think she adds much to the story, except this one part where Ramona and Beezus are both really down one night and they have a sleepover/heart-to-heart in Beezus’s room.

Is it just me or are Aunt Bea and Hobart the cutest couple in life?! Like seriously I was squealing and shit the entire time. When the box finally unearthed itself and Bea is all “omg you kept all this stuff” and he’s all “hellllll yeah will you marry me” etc. etc., I was like dying. That was seriously so freaking adorable. And meanwhile Ramona’s so pissed off because she thinks Aunt Bea is leaving her. (“He’s reeling you in like sea bass!”)

The entire theater was full of little preteens and their moms (and a few dads). I don’t think they were there for the story as much as for Selena Gomez, so I don’t think many of them liked the movie. I liked the plural storylines and the innocence. Really refreshing.