Archive | December, 2010

Neglect. And my apologies!

28 Dec

Sorry I haven’t updated this blog for an unforgivably long time. The lack of excitement in my life hasn’t been that encouraging either. The only notable thing that’s really happened is I got rejected from my first choice school and now I’m working last minute – shocker! – to get my other apps in on time. I guess I’m still trying to get over the agony of defeat. Although I’m regretting not getting over the rejection faster because now I’m paying the price. I am really, really, really paying the price.

It’s winter break right now. Hopefully anyone who’s reading this had a lovely break. I do still get a fair number of viewers on this blog since people keep getting directed here with their questions about futbolista x and his girlfriend. You guys are the best ❤

Ugh this week has just been uber stressful. I’m supposed to be going to LA for an entire day on Thursday for AP Art History and I don’t even know how I’m going to manage to get all my apps in. Last night I got almost no sleep because of stress, though the coconut milk tea I had around 5 PM probably didn’t help. (I don’t know why caffeine works so fucking well on me when I want to sleep and so terribly when I need it to keep me awake.)

My significant other type person is being utterly ridiculous. Like at times it’s like I swear he can be the most amazing guy ever. And at other times it’s like really… ARE YOU DUMB? (Antoine Dodson style.) Honestly -_- for someone of a reasonably high intelligence level, he is so retarded.

I guess this isn’t fair since today is one of those “you are pissing me off a lot” days. We actually haven’t had many of these in a while. But it’s just like HONESTLY SOMETIMES THE LACK OF EMPATHY is astounding. A year from now when you’re failing the living fuck out of your own college apps and all I do is sit here and go “sucks… well good luck” we’ll see how you react.

Other than the fact that he has a billion things to learn about being a significant other type person, I don’t know. I think it’s pretty safe to say that I know what it is to love someone now. (Not in the mother/father/sister/grandparents/family way. Duh.) But MY GOODNESS my patience in this relationship is absolutely astounding. NEVER have I demonstrated such resolve. I swear it.

My sister and I are trying to get past the second castle on Super Mario Bros. Wii.  IT’S REALLY PATHETIC HOW HARD IT IS FOR US. IT’S SO FREAKING HARD. HOW WAS I SO GOOD ON THE GAMEBOY AND NOW I’M SO SHITTY ON THE WII? Just saying.

That is all. I am so freaking tired. I slept three hours last night. I have to do like 4 apps tomorrow. I have to go to LA all day on Thursday. I have a fucking paper for lit and something for gov where I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do.

I just want this all to be over.

Hey hey but guess what…

NEW YEAR STARTS IN FOUR DAYS AND THIS YEAR IS GOING TO FUCKING BE MY YEAR. No more bullshit to worry about. Just turning 18 and having fun.

FINALLY.

Love you all.

🙂

Advertisements

“I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers.”

2 Dec

This blog is getting a lot of traffic from people on search engines looking for information on soccer players and their girlfriends.

Oh, I’m looking and judging at you guys. Estoy mirando y juzgando.

I woke up this morning and my right eye was swollen.

I feel like this time, it’s easier than it’s been before because before I didn’t really mean it. But this time I feel like I do. I would always give up after a day or two because I didn’t think it was worth giving up just because of some argument. I’m giving up on one thing I had so much hope for. It’s not easy by any means. Only easier. I’m not gonna lie, it still hurts. I feel like Carrie after Mr. Big doesn’t get out of the car and she’s in Mexico for what was supposed to be her honeymoon and she just wants to stay in bed all day. When I see him, my heart still speeds up and all I want to do is make things okay again because at least he would be back in my life again and we can work things out… but I know I’d only be kidding myself. People can change and learn, but it takes time, and usually a lot of it. And I have to start standing up for myself and acknowledging when I deserve more.

I’m blessed to have people around me who constantly keep me happy and offer me a shoulder to cry on. And my weekly Ulta holiday catalog. And an awesome deal from Sephora.

I seriously feel like I’m becoming Carrie Bradshaw sometimes.

My decision date got moved up to next Friday. We shall see what happens. I’m seriously going to be nervous for the next eight days. And the day of… I mean I’m going to be shaking until it’s time to find out. I’m terrified, anxious, excited, happy that I can almost taste my future. It is SO, SO CLOSE.

I feel like I’m on a cloud. A dense, stormy, gray cloud. But I don’t think things are going to stay that way. Things change. People change. The situation will change.

Time heals all.

What happened?

1 Dec

I’m kinda confused. Two weeks ago, we were getting closer than ever, and things stayed great even though we never saw each other last week.

I thought this week was going to be a good week… so what happened? Why did things have to change when they were so good? I don’t understand. Was it me? Was it you?

I don’t understand how suddenly we can lose so much.

It makes me mad that we go to the same school right now; there’s no distance and it is so easy to just stop by and say hi and yet, you never even bothered to do that. “I didn’t see you today because we didn’t have any classes together” …Really?! What the hell are we going to do next year when I might be 3000 miles away on the opposite coast? Is that what it’s going to take for you to realize what you’ve been doing wrong so far this year?

It also makes me mad that I told you last night I felt so insecure, and today I sit there with you and your friends for an entire hour and you said maybe three things to me during all that time. I gave you chance after chance to do something. I mean gosh, you don’t want to do anything at lunch or even bother to say hi, but when we do have that hour and a half together, why can’t I get your full attention? Why do you always have to work on something else or make me sit with your stupid friends for an hour trying to get you to talk to me? You always talk to your friends and you can hang out with them on the weekends if you really wanted, but I don’t have that option and I can’t even be important enough for you to devote an hour and a half of actual face to face time. You’re so full of shit. How can you even tell me that you love me or that you think I’m one of the most important people in your life when you can’t do that much for me?

What makes me even madder is so many people told me to stop a long time ago, and I didn’t listen. Because I always hoped you’d change or something. I told you what was wrong, and you had nothing more to say than “I’m sorry you feel that way, what do you want me to do?” I can’t tell you the problem then solve it for you. It’s not fair for me to give so much of myself and get nothing in return.

If in exactly two weeks I receive a rejection, you will be gone from my life from forever unconditionally.