Archive | April, 2011


25 Apr

I didn’t know what to title this post so I left it untitled. Kinda. The title is untitled, I suppose.

I just checked on Berkeley’s website and guess who has two thumbs and gets almost no credit for her hard work on AP exams during high school?

I get credits for graduation and stuff but it’s all basically elective credit… so I don’t even know what the point of all that was. Besides, of course, the great amount of education I attained in high school.

(…yeah right.)

That’s the only thing I wanted to vent about today. I guess otherwise, life’s going pretty good. This is kinda  good because I don’t have to take four AP exams this year after all! But now I have to go get a refund which has to be approved and it’ll just be like a bleh situation.

Bright side: I get more opportunities to explore Berkeley, even though I won’t be able to take more of the classes I want to take because I’ll be loaded down with major prerequisites and breadth requirement courses.

Today was the first day back from spring break AKA worst day ever

I’m absolutely ecstatic to go to college. After visiting Berkeley, I think it’s definitely where I want to spend my next four years. It’s weird though. I’ve been so excited to head to college for a long time, and when I finally stepped onto the campus, it suddenly felt so real – real to the point where I’m scared to go. It’s so far away, as the grueling eight hour drive attested, and it’s so different from what I know.

Excitement coupled with nervousness… I believe the term I’m looking for is anxiety!


More neglect.

12 Apr

I am so bad about keeping up this blog, holy shit HAHA

I was gone and now I’m back. Blogging does still bring me happiness, especially when I get to rant on and on about how miserable my perfect life is.

Love is a funny thing. It’s all consuming, it blinds you, it pushes you. It’s love! I never pictured myself seriously falling in love with someone this year. I want to be spiteful and say that I never loved him, but that would be a lie and I know it.

Everyone ended up being right though. He’s too young, he’s too immature, he’s not ready… the list goes on and on. The list of warnings I refused to listen to. And damn, I feel dumb. This is the guy that dumped me a day before my birthday, the guy I had to beg to take me back when I got desperate and lonely, the guy that let me down time and time again, the guy that was never there for me when I needed him.

Then again, this is the guy that begged me to stay when I was upset, forgave me when I did something really stupid, and listened to all my whining for months, which is no small feat if you know me well.

In the end, who or what gives?

I guess you pushed me over the edge today. I guess that was one more thing you added to my list of cons, which is starting to grow unbearably longer than my list of pros. How you can do for others what you never did for me, the person you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, is beyond me. How you can make that effort for everyone else but me. How you can throw me by the side and act like I don’t exist when I’m literally 50 yards away from you.

Sorry dear, no love in the world can overcome that neglect. No love in the world can overcome the pain you’ve caused me.

I wish I could just tell myself that I’m being jealous and petty and get over it, but I can’t. It’s too little too late for that.


Let’s see what else… College admissions are finally over. In its wake, six acceptances, six rejections, one waitlist. Accepted to UCI, UCLA, Berkeley, Northwestern, NYU Stern, and Boston College Carroll School of Management with Honors. Rejected by Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Penn (ED), Rice, and Columbia. Waitlisted by UChicago.

I guess I have something to be proud of in the schools I got into, but also a lot to learn in the schools I got rejected from. I guess I got into the ones I expected to get into, no huge shocks. Is that all I deserved? I think so. I didn’t do as much as some people did in high school, and that was my fault. I should’ve been more accountable, and I should’ve known that it would take more than what I did to get into the best schools in the world. I didn’t make that effort, and honestly I didn’t deserve it. Unless those schools admitted those of the likes of the second Bush, in which case that was one more spot that could’ve been taken by someone else who deserved it more.

My biggest disappointment in this whole process though is not getting to go to NYU Stern. I was positive that if I got in, it would be the school I’d go to. I got in… and I can’t go. It’s a shame when something you want so much is so close but so far. I got the hardest part done with – I got in. To be hindered by something as stupid as money is just inexplicable to me. Having to give up my vision of me at Stern is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There are plenty of heartbreaks, but this was and still is one tough pill to swallow. I was so excited to live in New York City and intern on Wall Street – I was excited to start building my life and my future there. I feel like I was robbed.

Instead, this fall, I will be headed to Berkeley and the joys of San Francisco. Not where I wanted to go, but I can’t keep sulking over something that wasn’t meant to be. I know it’ll be a good experience because that’s what college is about! Haas is my one and only goal. Words cannot begin to describe how happy I would be to get into Haas, and damn do I know how hard it’ll be. Probably the greatest uphill battle of my life.

You know what?

I’m so fucking excited.

I think I was born for this.

I will not let anything stand in my way.