Archive | October, 2011

A sad weekend for all.

16 Oct

I have fallen ill. Fingers crossed it isn’t the dreaded mumps. Heh.

After getting to know the guy in my building a bit better, I made a stupid choice. Shocker. I still sabotage myself in love. It doesn’t really even matter what I do to myself though… because the guy has a girlfriend in Africa! I can’t really compete with that, y’know? I’m still absolutely mortified. Damn. He is an absolutely flawless individual. ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

Cue Annie starting to be a nerdy Asian with no life.

I can’t tell which I feel worse about, but I feel like it’s this cold that’s got me down for the most part.

Also, motorsports lost an incredible driver today. I can honestly say that I teared up when I found out. I was actually absolutely shocked. I think he was in his mid to late 20s when I started following auto racing. This was an incredibly talented man who lost his life doing what he loved. But he was 33 and far too young. His twitter feed was up to date even up to the beginning of the race. This is the worst thing that could happen to a driver and it’s absolutely tragic that such a young life was lost. I don’t know what’s going to happen to the indycar series now, but I do hope that safety is improved in light of this. RIP Dan Wheldon and my thoughts are with you and your family.

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As Gavin Degraw’s voice melts my heart…

10 Oct

SWEETER IS A FANTASTIC ALBUM. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. Holy crap. I’ve fallen in love again. It’s this kind of music that makes me think that love is possible. Not just love, but all good things in this world that make you feel warm and happy. Maybe even the bad. Emotion just seems raw and real again.

The weather decided it wanted to be shitty today. So much for a week of sunshine, according to weather.com! Instead, it poured and poured and poured. I got considerably wet. It’s kind of muggy too, which sucks! I mean if it’s going to pour, it should at least be cold to boot.

This weekend, a bunch of gals from my floor and I went to San Francisco. It was a packed day full of Boudin’s, Blue Angels, and…

I got my cartilage pierced! Big deal for me considering my fear of needles. I swore I’d never get anything else pierced after my earlobes in January, but I guess I went back on that. It hurt, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just hate aftercare more than anything, and I’ll have to hide it for the next year during interviews and stuff, but that’s okay.

I’ll confess at this point that my crush on my psychology lecturer is ballooning and at some point will probably make me do something I’ll regret. That man is just so UNFFFF

So a few weeks later, I met this guy in the laundry room. He had an accent when I talked to him, but he seemed like the quiet shy type so I didn’t really push the conversation. After all, we were doing laundry… HAHA yup, I was awkward. But I genuinely had a question so hell yeah I asked him because he was the only person in there at the time. Oh my goodness, did I think he was cute.

I’ve seen him around a few times since, but today we spoke again. (I feel like Cady Heron being a total freak about Aaron Samuels.) It was raining. (Again, I’m seeing a parallel. This is weird. I’m weird.) We talked about the rain and how I needed an umbrella. This was our conversation as we waited for the elevator to come:

Me: Dang… it’s pouring. I think I should go and get my umbrella.
Him: Yeah…
Me: Where did you just come from?
Him: *mumbling*
Me: Oh… nice…
Him: I can see how you’d think it’s a lot of rain. Where are you from?
Me: What?
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Like where do I live in the building or where geographically…?
Him: Yeah, geographically.
Me: Umm I’m from southern California
Him: Yeah… I’m from Cambridge, England. I’m kind of used to it.
Me: (internal freakout) Oh, my dad studied in England and he tells me it’s brutal there in terms of rain
Him: Yeah, this is nothing in comparison.

The elevator ride was too fast 😦 and I had to say bye, but I got his name before the door closed after I got off on my floor. His name is Liam, and he lives on the fourth floor 🙂 I told him it was nice to meet him…

He stood super close to me when we were waiting for the elevator. When I told Sarah about this, she was just like OMG HE WAS SO CLOSE YOU GOT PREGNANT and I’m like fuuuuuuuuuuuck you ok it was very affectionate and beautiful

I’m really weird. Please ignore me. This is just what I wanted to find. I’m gonna creep on the fourth floor now.

I purposely sabotage myself in love.

5 Oct

I guess having a tween-girl-status “crush” on my psychology lecturer would count as sabotaging myself. The man is a great deal older than me and, more importantly, he’s my professor… LOL I suck.

I’ve realized that I’ve become a very bitter person. I don’t really want to fall for anyone anymore. So I’ll go for guys that are BEYOND impossible. Like my psych prof. (He’s not even really a professor, just a lecturer. No wonder he’s so young!)

Speaking of psychology, I got a 54/60 on my test. I’m kind of disappointed in myself; in fact, I can’t believe I did so poorly. I know I’m getting my panties in quite the bunch considering that’s a 90% and I didn’t go to half the lectures, but I just feel like it’s such an easy class and I should be doing SO MUCH BETTER. I’m not happy, even though it’s an A, and I’m bringing my grade up to a solid A or A+ no matter what. And it will happen! I will it to happen and thus it shall.

I’m freaking nervous to get back my IB exam tomorrow. I just feel like I dropped the ball on that one so badly and I can’t even make up for it. I’m hoping for a B… PLEASE, LORD, LET IT BE A B.

This was a very random post. But that’s no different than usual!

College: the good, the bad, and the ugly

4 Oct

I firmly believe that attempting to be eloquent is a two step process. You get rid of all the other shit that’s going on in your head and after… out pours the most beautiful contents of your brain that you could possibly think of. I have a very eloquent paper that’s due on Friday that has yet to receive any of my attention, so I guess this is my attempt to begin the eloquent-ing process.

Really, all I want to do is watch Sex and the City for the 23567325th time and go to the gym and sleep.

Here it goes.

I thought college was going to be some amazing once-in-a-lifetime experience where you meet the most incredible people of your life that you’re going to be close with forever and ever and it’ll just be like some movie. I guess since we’re not even two months into this damn experience yet, it’s too early to tell. I didn’t meet the people I got closest to in high school until sophomore, junior, and senior years. Freshman year was just such a crapshoot.

With that said, I guess I just didn’t want college to be the same waste of the first year. That’s a year of people I didn’t meet and experiences I didn’t have. A year is a long time.

I feel like the problem now is that I’m putting so much in and not getting much out.

Admittedly, Berkeley can be a very cold place sometimes. There are plenty of people who won’t rub you the right way, or you won’t rub them the right way. There are people of every which type here, I can safely say that. Determining whether or not they’re good or bad is still a work in progress.

There are certain people that immediately came off as… well… basically as useless pieces of shit. They’re actually quite intelligent and have every right to be here, but oh my goodness, there are some fucking pompous assholes here. Like honestly, take your self righteousness and shove it up your high-in-the-air nostrils. Never in my LIFE have I met so many people who think so highly of themselves. Honest to god, these people have no sense of the very concept of humility. And yes, to make you feel even better about yourself, I’ll talk shit about you in the hallway. You deserve it sweetheart! Clearly I’m just jealous of your stunning beauty and fantastic academic achievement, like everyone else on the fucking planet.

My roommate is possible to live with, but as with any other person, I’ve found qualities that are absolutely – to put it bluntly – repulsive. I’ve never met someone who is so messy. Like my mom thinks I’m a slob but no mom, you don’t know what a slob is. I did a big room cleanup this weekend and even vacuumed my side of the room. Had hers not been beyond fucked up, I would’ve bothered vacuuming hers too. She throws stuff around everywhere so no shit stuff is going to get lost, as it already has. What I hate is that she disrespects my side of the room too. My side is the side the side that you have to pass through and she’ll just dump her shit on my side and not even give a fuck about moving it over to her side. No. You can be as sloppy as you want with your side – that’s your prerogative – but NOT my side that I put in time to maintain orderly.

Another thing is I always have such a hard time getting work done when she’s in the room. Not because we’re chit chatting. She likes bringing this guy (a friend) to the room and they’ll just chat it up and it’s just kind of ridiculous. That’s not even that big of a problem because she’s usually willing to take him to another room and whatever, but when he’s here he’s also hella disrespectful. Like I was skyping with my family once and he and his friend came and they were just so fucking loud. It was plain rude. And when there aren’t people around, she listens to the most obnoxious electronica. Like honestly I used to think I liked everything but no, electronica most certainly is not my style. In fact, I hate it. It shouldn’t even exist. It’s just an excuse for people who are stoned beyond their minds to trip out on heavy bass.

The actual academia is fucking hard. I don’t understand why I’m even surprised by this. There are people who are dumb, but by the same token there are people who are absolutely brilliant. Some of them are humble about it; some of them wave it in your face with a magenta handkerchief.

I’m tired and I think I’m done ranting for today. Hopefully something productive will come out of this in my paper so I can get enough done to go to the gym after and sleep sufficiently tonight. I’m thinking of going to psychology tomorrow morning, even though it’s at 9.

My professor’s kind of cute.

Hello again.

3 Oct

It’s after 1 AM in Berkeley, this wonderful little gem of a town that’s now my new home.My roommate has just gone to bed after giving up on her chem and math homework. I don’t know why I’m still awake.

Must be those two jasmine milk teas I had this afternoon.

Fucking Mochaccino and their 2 for $3 deal. I’ve been in enough times that the girl recognizes me and what I usually get. I wonder if she knows that I drink both cups of tea. I’ll just let her assume that I’m always getting the second one for someone else… (though she probably doesn’t)

Damn it’s been a long time since I posted on here.

Well, I’m in college now. That high school angst is so behind me. Gosh, I scoff in its face now! Weak, I tell you – weak!

Today on tumblr, I saw this, and I must admit, I succumbed a bit to the shitty high school angst again

Sometimes, I guess we need that angst back in our lives for a bit to remind us of how far we’ve come.

What’s sad is how I still feel a tinge of regret and sadness. I guess manhunting in Berkeley’s been quite a crapshoot, but I haven’t really tried. I don’t want to try. It’s so hard to try. I realize now how bitter I am about love. I hate people who are in happy relationships. I hate people whose boyfriends take the greyhound (umm hello, that’s 15 hours of your life you’re never going to get back) up the coast to see them.

I just don’t understand why everyone can find their someone and I can’t.

And I guess at times like these, I wonder if I missed my chance.

Obviously, sometimes you’re just meant to fall for someone. Nothing dictates whether or not that love will be enough forever.